Vicki: Unassuming Visionary Beauty
The world without my wife in it would be a stark and lonely landscape. And hungry, too.
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.” —1 Peter 3:7a
Recently, my wife, Vicki, was invited to an oil painting class at a neighbor’s home. She had never painted before, so this would be a first for her. Vicki was excited, and I was excited for her.
A few days later, she came home with “Back Bay Vista,” her first try at oil on canvas. To say that I was flabbergasted would be an understatement. I confess: Vicki is better than me (B.A. Art, Graphic Design, blah, blah, blah)!
Don’t get me wrong—I knew my wife was talented. Vicki’s skills with needle-and-thread are legendary, and our home is full of treasures she has knitted, quilted, and crafted. I have VK Original Clemson University and Game Day quilts, which are treasures.
Food for thought
Vicki’s talents are not confined to oil painting and textiles. She is the best Kitchen Magician I’ve ever met. Vicki whips up something in her head and translates it from stovetop to table like a pro. Her Potato and Leek soup is Michelin Five-Star quality. And don’t get me started on her Tortilla Soup—or her Meatloaf.
Vicki would not get chopped on Chopped!
. . .
Sorry!
I was taking a virtual bite of Vicki’s Savory Beef Stew and lost my mind!
The way she works
We’ve been married for almost 25 years, and during that time, I’ve observed and come to understand Vicki’s creative method. At the beginning of our marriage, I didn’t get it. Our approaches to creative endeavors are somewhat different. But I’ve come to appreciate her methodology in these seven phases:
Vision Casting;
Material Selection;
Pre-Production;
Evaluation and Lamentation;
Production;
Details and Extras;
Completion and Exaltation!
In the beginning
Almost all of my wife’s creative endeavors begin with Vision Casting—this is where Vicki puts to words the early essence of an idea or inspiration that will eventually manifest in something great to see, wear, or eat! Mind you—the ingredients and end product are theoretical at this point.
She’ll say to me:
“I think I want to make (fill-in the blank).”
“It will be like this; I’m thinking of such-and-such; It will be a surprise!”
“I am SO EXCITED!”
In the early days, at this point, I would charge in with my opinions—like a bull in a china shop, not appreciating the delicacy of Vicki’s Phase-1 process.
My bad!
Over time, I learned that Vision Casting is about unseen possibilities and hoped-for eventualities and should not be monkeyed with by knuckle-draggin’ dock wallopers like me.
I’ll hop over Phases 2 and 3—Material Selection and Pre-Production—because Phase-4 Evaluation and Lamentation is the pivot point in Vicki’s process.
“I hate it!”
Inevitably, during the creative process, the artist—whether painter, quilter, or chef—reaches the rocky bottom of self-doubt:
“What was I thinking!?”
“These colors/textures/ingredients aren’t working well together!”
“I think I should start over!”
Here, the silent observer can be of some service—if he speaks sparingly and prudently. Hand on the chin; nodding slowly and thoughtfully; long pause before beginning:
“Hmmmm . . .”
“I understand what you’re saying.”
“Perhaps (this and that). Or, maybe just take a little break?”
Like clockwork
Evaluation and Lamentation is so much fun now that I’m older and wiser! Because there’s a pattern to the seeming madness of it all—to the despair and self-flagellation. See, the Creative needs to break it down. To self-critique. To poke holes if there are any to be poked.
E&V is the “exhale” following the “inhale.”
It simply must occur—whether painting, quilting, cooking, or composing music.
With Evaluation and Lamentation, the artist has the chance to achieve excellence. Without it, mediocrity will be their jam.
“I love it!”
In baseball, they have what is referred to as “the payoff pitch.” It occurs when the count is three balls and two strikes on the batter, and the next pitch inevitably produces critical action and game-impacting results.
For Vicki, Evaluation and Lamentation is the pivotal moment preceding her internalized “payoff pitch.” With balls-and-strikes maxed out like a VISA Card in Vegas, Vicki’s process, while jarring to the uninformed, is essential for attaining Phase-7 Completion and Exaltation.
So, Grasshoppa . . .
I will now share what I have learned in case other knuckle-draggin’ dock wallopers are still banging their thick skulls against a wall of ignorance and futility.
If you want to break free and attain the higher designation of “Esteemed Partner” in the eyes of your long-suffering wife:
Be silent—initially;
Be thoughtful—and pray for wisdom and prudence;
Be the “safety net” as your wife engages in Evaluation and Lamentation;
Be first to applaud your wife’s perfected achievement!
When you can snatch the pebble of humility from the palm of ignorance, you will be free to walk in the afterglow of your lovely wife’s completed vision.
And I will say to you, “Well done, Grasshoppa.”
Great insight Ron.
Love the Kung Fu reference! 😂
Takes me back to early/mid 1970s La Habra.
Awesome self critique of marriage interpersonal relationships. Imagine applying this everywhere, friends, colleagues? Nah, considered too patriarchal and oppressive by Inter-sectionalists. 😉😄